Be the First Liker: Overcoming Fear and Building Relationships in Business

Oct 11

If the phrase “networking and referrals” makes your stomach drop a little, you’re not broken. You’re human.

I’ve been told countless times that building a business means putting yourself out there. Building relationships. Networking. Connecting with referral sources. And every time I heard it early on, my body wanted to shut down. Imposter syndrome showed up fast. Fear of being judged got loud. Being an introvert did not help.

If you’ve ever thought, “I know this matters, but I don’t know how to do it without feeling awful,” I want you to know you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not stuck.

There’s a simple shift that can change how you approach relationships in business, without turning you into someone you’re not.

It starts with being the first liker.

What “being the first liker” actually means

There was a study that looked at what made certain kids popular. Not more athletic. Not smarter. Not better looking. What stood out was something far less flashy.

The most popular kids were the ones who liked the most people.

Not the most liked. The most liking.

That idea has stuck with me for years because it explains so much about how connection really works. Most of us are waiting. Waiting for someone to say hi first. Waiting for someone to reach out. Waiting for someone to notice us and make the first move.

And when everyone is waiting, nothing happens.

Being the first liker means choosing to go first. Saying hello. Sending the message. Making the introduction. Starting the relationship instead of hoping one lands in your lap.

It sounds small, but it changes everything.

Why waiting costs you more than you realize

So many opportunities are missed simply because we’re waiting to be invited.

If you’re sitting back hoping someone will ask about your services, you may be waiting a long time. If you’re expecting referral sources to magically find you, or collaborators to knock on your door, you’re giving up control of your own growth.

This is where I remind clients that business is not Field of Dreams.

You can’t build a website, open a practice, or launch a service and assume people will just show up. Effort and energy matter. Relationships matter. Especially in the beginning.

And yes, that can feel uncomfortable.

Step one: get comfortable being uncomfortable

This was the biggest shift for me.

For years, I avoided discomfort at all costs. If something felt awkward or unfamiliar, I found a way around it. The problem is that growth lives on the other side of that discomfort.

Once I stopped expecting things to feel easy, they stopped feeling so overwhelming.

When you expect discomfort, it’s no longer a shock. Walking into a doctor’s office to introduce yourself. Sending a DM to someone you admire. Asking for a conversation. None of that feels natural at first. And that’s okay.

Life is uncomfortable. Business growth is uncomfortable. When you accept that, you stop fighting it.

Step two: it’s not about you

One of the most freeing lessons I’ve ever learned is this: most people are not thinking about you.

I remember sitting in my car, sweating, before walking into a doctor’s office to pick up a script and introduce myself. I was convinced everyone inside was judging me. That they would think I was annoying. Unqualified. Out of place.

When the interaction felt cold, I made it all about me.

But here’s the truth. Their reaction had nothing to do with me. They were dealing with their own day, their own stress, their own lives.

Most of the time, when someone doesn’t respond the way you hoped, it’s not personal. People are thinking about their to-do list, their family, the ten other things on their plate.

When you stop taking every reaction personally, it becomes much easier to put yourself out there again.

Step three: treat relationship-building like a muscle

Nothing gets easier without practice.

Just like strength training, the first few reps are hard. Awkward. Clumsy. And then, over time, your body adapts.

The same thing happens with networking, referrals, and connection. The more you do it, the more natural it feels. What once made your heart race eventually becomes routine.

I can now walk into rooms of people I don’t know and talk about what I do. Not because I’m fearless, but because I’ve practiced.

This is especially important to remember if you’re in private practice. Building referral relationships is not optional. And it’s not one and done. It takes multiple touchpoints. Consistency. Patience.

Relationships are not transactions

This part matters more than anything else.

If you approach networking as “What can I get?” people feel it immediately. Relationships fall flat when they’re one-sided.

Real connection comes from curiosity and contribution.

Instead of asking for referrals, ask questions. Learn what the other person is seeing. Look for shared philosophies. Offer value. Education. Time. Support.

When you focus on building something mutual, referrals and opportunities follow naturally. Not because you asked for them, but because trust was built.

Start small and go first

Being the first liker doesn’t have to mean big, bold moves.

It can be waving at a neighbor. Smiling at someone in the grocery store. Sending a kind message. Saying hello first.

Those small moments add up. They build confidence. They create momentum. And you never know where a simple interaction might lead.

If fear has been holding you back from building relationships in your business or career, start here. Go first. Expect discomfort. Don’t make it personal. Keep practicing.

Connection is a skill. And like any skill, it gets easier the more you use it.

Go be the first liker today.